As a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach, I support clients in building sustainable, embodied wellness practices. One reason I’m so passionate about this work is that health coaching is a modeling profession — we don’t just teach it; we live it.
That means I'm always working on myself, not just professionally, but personally — in how I parent, how I regulate my emotions, and how I respond to life’s unexpected moments (like toddler meltdowns).
Recently, I’ve been continuing my education in Positive Intelligence® (PQ) — a research-based approach to mental fitness. It’s helped me deepen my understanding of emotional regulation, which turns out to be just as useful in parenting as it is in coaching.
How Mindfulness Helped Me Respond to Tantrums Differently
Rather than trying to “fix” or suppress tantrums, I started applying mindfulness — not on my toddler, but around her. This shifted everything. (Full step-by-step below.)
Step 1: Make Sure They’re Safe
Before anything else, I check for safety. If my toddler is flailing near others, climbing too high, or throwing objects, I gently move them to a safer space. I don’t try to correct or explain — just protect.
This is key. A meltdown isn’t the time for lessons or reasoning. It’s a moment when their nervous system is overwhelmed. My only goal at this point is to create a container that feels physically and emotionally safe — for both of us.
Step 2: Sit Nearby, Stay Calm, and Don’t Engage the Tantrum
Once I know they’re safe, I sit nearby — not engaging, not reacting, and not correcting. I stay grounded and calm in my own body.
I don’t try to fix the tantrum, distract them, or even make eye contact. I simply exist near them as a calm, stable presence.
Then, without saying a word, I begin a mindful sensory practice — something quiet and simple that helps me regulate myself.
✋ Touch
I might pick up a nearby object with lines, shapes, or textures — a blanket, a toy, or even a piece of clothing — and slowly trace the patterns with my fingertips.
I let my attention rest completely on what I’m feeling: the softness or roughness, the coolness of the fabric, the movement of my hands.
I breathe slowly. I soften my shoulders. I embody calm, without asking my child to do anything at all.
👂 Sound
Sometimes, once we're in our safe space, I open a window. I sit still and listen intently to all the sounds I can hear — near and far. Birds, wind, distant cars, creaky trees. Then I remember to listen for my breath.
I might tilt my head or close my eyes slightly to show that I’m really listening. I don’t narrate or explain. I just listen.
👁️ Visual
My 2.5-year-old’s tantrum can disappear in an instant when I use water as a visual focus.
I take her into the bathroom and splash water onto the shower door. Together, we silently watch the drops trickle and dance their way down the glass.
You can also do this on a mirror, a window, or even outside after a rain — just watching the water move becomes mesmerizing.
This isn’t a trick or performance. It’s a genuine shift in my own nervous system.
I’m not trying to get my child to calm down. I’m simply being calm — and letting that be visible.
Step 3: Invite the Shift — Gently, When They're Ready
After a few moments of quiet mindfulness, something almost always happens they notice.
Even in the middle of a tantrum, toddlers are deeply tuned into our energy. They peek over. They stop screaming for a second. They might scoot closer or just… pause. That moment of watching is a sign that something in them is starting to settle.
And here’s the key: I don’t rush in. I give them space to observe and process.
If my child seems curious, I gently extend an invitation:
“Do you want to try?”
Sometimes, they join in right away. Sometimes, they just sit beside me and watch. Either way, they’re out of fight-or-flight and back in connection.
One evening (I get happy tears just sharing this!), I was sitting on the floor, slowly tracing the flowers on a nightgown that had been left there. My 4-year-old, who had been mid-tantrum — upset, screaming, totally dysregulated — suddenly paused. She stood still and quietly watched me for a few seconds, like she was in awe of the stillness. Then, without a word, she began bringing me more things to trace — one after another. It turned into a kind of game — quiet, mindful, connected. No instructions, no corrections, no power struggle. Just co-regulation.
That moment was such a clear reminder: our kids feel what we feel. When we shift our energy, they often follow — not because we force them to, but because safety and calm are contagious.
The same shift happens with our sound or visual mindfulness, too.
If I’m listening out the window and she looks over, I might whisper,
“Come here — I want you to hear something.”
Or, if we’re watching water drops roll down glass, I might ask,
“Which one do you think will go fastest?”
The goal isn’t to distract them from their feelings — it’s to help them move through those feelings by offering a calm, embodied presence and a new focus when they’re ready.
This is co-regulation in its most natural form. You’re not “fixing” them — you’re simply inviting them into the calm you’ve created.
And listen — I’m a mom with two toddlers who have real tantrums, so I know how impossible this might sound some days. That’s why I always encourage other parents (and myself) to start small. Practice by yourself first. Trace something. Listen to the wind. Notice how it feels to calm your own system.
Then, the next time a tantrum hits, make yourself one promise:
👉 “I’ll try this for 30 seconds.”
And if you do? Celebrate that. Because that’s you rewiring something powerful — in your nervous system and in theirs. That’s you moving toward a calmer, more connected version of yourself. And that absolutely counts.
🌿 Why This Matters — As a Parent and a Health Coach
What I’ve learned — through training, practice, and parenting — is that presence is one of the most healing tools we have. And children don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be regulated, aware, and able to stay soft when their nervous systems are loud.
This is the same principle I bring into health coaching. Whether it’s helping a client develop better sleep habits, improve nutrition, or navigate stress, it starts with curiosity, compassion, and modeling what's possible.
Mindfulness isn’t just a parenting trick — it’s a foundational life skill. And when we practice it, our kids learn to mirror it.
✨ Want to Learn More?
If this kind of mindful, whole-person approach resonates with you — whether you're a parent navigating chaos or someone looking to improve your overall wellness — I’d love to support you.
At Powers Health & Wellness, I work with busy parents and professionals to make healthy eating, stress management, and self-care realistic and achievable.
👉 Book a free discovery call and let’s talk about your goals.
Cheering you on,
Marissa Powers, MHS, NBC-HWC
Powers Health & Wellness
Disclaimer: This blog post is based on my personal experience as a parent and National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach. I am not a licensed child psychologist or behavior specialist. The strategies shared here are not intended as medical or psychological advice, but rather as mindfulness-based approaches that have supported me and my family. Always consult a qualified professional for concerns about your child’s development or behavior.
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